Parent Judging: Why Is Everyone an Expert on Other People’s Kids?

I was sitting with my family in the little cafe area at Target. (Naturally.) My husband was waiting in line at Starbucks, and my four kids, miraculously, were sitting and/or playing quietly while I worked on my grocery list. A mom and her two young boys were sitting at the table next to us, and at one point I looked up, caught her eye, and smiled. She did not smile back. That should've been my first clue that something was wrong with her.

My Dog’s Christmas List

One of my favorite Christmas posts! Getting in the spirit!

where the heart is

Alternate Title: The Christmas Wish List of Lucimus Goosimus Varcinius Maximus Roder (Lucy to her friends)

This is Lucy. 

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As you can see, she is quite adorable. That ridiculous nickname above is courtesy of my husband. She also goes by Lucy Goose, Snorty McSnortferson, Stanley the Grumpy Old Man, and Puppy. I’m pretty sure I gave her at least one of those names. You’ve heard dozens of stories about my kids, but honestly, Lucy is my first baby, and the first person to whom Santa brought presents in the Roder household. I’ve long believed that she was a human trapped in a dog’s body. Since that ten month-old baby got to dictate a letter to Santa, I thought I’d send out the wish list I’m sure Lucy would write herself, if only she had opposable thumbs.

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You Want a Piece of Our MARYLAND Crabs???

You might have heard that Virginia's Governor, Terry McAuliffe, has been talking smack about our Maryland crabs. “You know, Maryland talks about its crabs. If anyone from Maryland is listening, I want to make this perfectly clear. All the crabs are born here in Virginia and they end up, because of the current, being taken [to … Continue reading You Want a Piece of Our MARYLAND Crabs???

Bad Dates Build Character (Or at Least Give You Good Stories to Tell)

Back in my single days, I dated my share of borderline psychotic unique guys. There was Steve Bill (all names have been changed to protect each yahoo's privacy), who, midway through a movie, stretched his eyelids open with his thumb and index finger and placed his eyeball directly on my bare knee. It wasn't as slimy … Continue reading Bad Dates Build Character (Or at Least Give You Good Stories to Tell)

A Mother’s Weight Loss Plan

I think we can all agree, motherhood brings with it some enormous changes. We’re learning to care for a tiny, helpless human being. We’re using our breasts to feed a person. We’re looking for nuance and hidden meaning in yawns and cries. And our once-flat stomachs have become bloated piles of wrinkly mush. (Ha ha! … Continue reading A Mother’s Weight Loss Plan

Be Your Own Kind of Beautiful

I have a confession to make. I've never been completely happy with my appearance. What woman has? (Maybe Tootsie?) "I've never been completely happy" is actually a mild way of putting it. I'm pretty hard on my reflection. It would make my husband crazy. I'd look in the mirror and go, "Ugh, look at this … Continue reading Be Your Own Kind of Beautiful

What’s the Deal with Little Boys and Their Penises???

So, ever since his birth, my 2-year-old son (we'll call him Gunther to protect his identity.) Anyway, since birth, Gunther has been obsessed with his penis. His scrotum too. As, I'm sure, are all little boys older boys grown men people with penises. (MOTHER: Doctor, when will my son get over this obsession with his penis? DOCTOR: Well, … Continue reading What’s the Deal with Little Boys and Their Penises???

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