where the heart is

How to Fold a Shirt, in 13 Easy Steps

I bet you thought you already knew how to fold a shirt. I did too! It wasn’t until I assigned the task to my 8-year-old that I learned I’d been doing it ALL WRONG. You see, I’d thought the thing to do to get the task going was to, you know, pick up a shirt. (Or something along those lines. I’m still working it out in my head.)

But no. As I learned today, there are many, many more steps involved before any part of your human flesh can actually touch the laundry. 

So, here they are, the 13 steps to folding a shirt, according to my 8-year-old daughter:

13 MORE Reasons Mommy Needs Wine

As moms, we all have our reasons that we drink. Some are big. Some are small. Some are shrunken versions of ourselves with the balance and social skills we can only find at the bottom of a wine bottle. Yes, it’s true that I’m #rockingmotherhood most of the time, but sometimes at the end of the day, I just gotta have that glass of red zin.

Several weeks ago, I wrote a list of 13 reasons that Mommy Needs Wine. Now I’m back with 13 more, and I’ve printed them out and stuck them to some wine bottles. 

Your Penis Is Not a Lightsaber, and 13 Other Things Boys Should Know

You might remember, a few weeks ago I posted a heartfelt letter to my daughters with a list of life lessons I hoped they’d learn before middle school. I got such a positive response to that article! So many moms told me they hoped the same things for their girls, and many said they would share my letter with their own children. I can’t describe how much that touched my heart. As I said to some of my commenters, that may be the best compliment I’ve ever received on my writing.

1. Girls can pee outside too. 2. Don't ignore your vagina. 3. Your princess ambitions are fine with me. 4. Your friend's parents don't let them stay up until midnight, and even if they did, I wouldn't care. 5. When kids turn 11 or 12, they usually go insane. This too shall pass. (Read more.)

Girls Can Pee Outside Too, and 13 Other Things I Want My Daughters to Know

2. Don’t ignore your vagina. Sorry girls. I know you find this topic painfully humiliating, but it has to be said. (Aren’t you glad I did this in writing?) Right around puberty, you’ll start to notice some goopy stuff coming out of your vajayjay on a regular basis. This is totally normal and nothing to worry about. But if it itches, turns red, or starts to smell weird, you need to see a doctor. Vaginas are tough little mofos, but the tiniest little upset in bacteria or ph balance can cause some serious discomfort. Don’t be embarrassed. Don’t suffer through it because you don’t want to tell me that your lady bits hurt. It’s not worth it. Trust me.