Rule 1: NO KETCHUP ON HOT DOGS!

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This is going to be a controversial post. Many of you will disagree with me. Some will be offended. I’m sorry, but this just has to be said: ketchup does not belong on hot dogs.

 

This is the platinum rule of food-eating for grown ups. The “Never get involved in a land war in Asia” rule, if you will.

No ketchup on hotdogs. As a matter of fact, it doesn’t belong on any food besides burgers and fries. (Chips to you Aussies and Brits.) No eggs. No fish sticks. No chicken nuggets. Just burgers and fries.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Have you really never put ketchup on a chicken nugget? I don’t believe it!.”

Well, yes I have. When I was 2. There is only 1 way for grown ups to eat chicken nuggets, and that’s in a moving minivan while rushing between the pediatrician and Aliviyah’s orange-themed half-birthday party, for which you were required to buy your children new orange outfits and a series of themed gifts wrapped in increasingly larger orange gift bags with purple tissue paper.

Why the purple tissue paper, Aliviyah? Is “orange everything” as boring as spelling your name with an “O”? Stop trying to stand out and just spell your name the normal way! 

The point is, there is a proper way to eat ketchup, and many, many incorrect ways. And ever since the day I witnessed a Subway patron ordering ketchup on her Chicken Bacon Ranch sub, I’ve realized that too many people are unaware that they are, frankly, wrong in their use of condiments.

You may be thinking, “What’s the big deal? I’m the one eating the hot dog. Shouldn’t I eat it the way I like it?”

Sure. It’s your hot dog. Nobody can stop you from ruining it with ketchup. This is a free country. If you want to top it with a syrupy-sweet sauce best known for getting small children to eat their dinner, you are free to do so. You are also free to add honey, vegemite, or bits of minced rat droppings if you want.

In fact, why stop with a hot dog? If you are so inclined to drown all flavor out of your food with sugar, why not do it with everything you eat? Try some ketchup on spaghetti. Squirt it over pork rinds. Mix it in with your milkshake. Why doesn’t everyone eat ketchup this way? Oh, right. Because it’s disgusting.

Henceforth, anyone who uses ketchup to flavor a hotdog shall be required to eat in a high chair, wearing a bib, while their dad makes airplane noises and pretends to fart. 

So the next time you’re at a barbecue with a juicy, all beef hotdog on a sesame seed bun, think twice before reaching for that ketchup bottle. The grown ups of the world thank you.

 

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no ketchup on hotdogs_ the rules of food and recipes for grown ups. Take it from a mom who knows.

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22 comments

        1. 🤢 Yuck! Actually, when I was in Costa Rica one summer in grad school, the host family I stayed with served that for dinner one night. I couldn’t even try it!

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  1. Now I say this as a vegetarian, so my hotdog is already a very different affair but I rather enjoy them with fried onions and I’m not adverse to a dash of ketchup but then I do make my own, so it tastes of actual tomatoes 🙂 #twinklytuesday

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You know, I used to be vegetarian. I gave it up (after 7 years) when I went on a study abroad trip to Costa Rica. My host mother had never met a vegetarian before, and she assumed I ate nothing but soy. Not like boca burger soy. Just a big hunk of soy. I lost 13 pounds in 2 weeks and finally started eating chicken. I should’ve gone back when I got home, though. I’m way too far gone now!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Blech!! Ketchup is the most disgusting invention on the planet next to mayo! Ketchup on anything is sick inducing. I have always eaten mustard instead. Though I had a cousin who used to (& maybe still does) put ketchup on everything. Then she waggle it in my face. She’s lucky I wasn’t sick on top of it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! There are some people who even put the vile stuff on sandwiches! I agree with you on mayo too. I can’t stand the stuff. Have you heard of putting mayo on a salad? I just heard of this the other day.

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      1. From wiki…
        The ingredients include a varying combination of tomatoes, molasses, dates, apples, tamarind, spices, vinegar, and sometimes raisins or anchovies. The taste is either tart or sweet with a peppery taste similar to that of Worcestershire sauce. It is similar to brown sauce marketed as steak sauce in the United States.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Ha ha ha! You have serious issue with the red stuff!! (I remember the whole Twitter convo too!) I’m gonna hazard a guess that your ketchup is different tasting to the British ketchup. Which is lush! Here’s what I have ketchup on/with :
    Burgers
    Hot dogs
    Regular sausages
    Chips (or fries to you guys)
    Fish fingers (are they your fish sticks??)
    Pasta bake (but not a bowl of pasta)
    Chicken nuggets
    Cooked breakfast
    Cheese and ketchup sandwiches
    As a dip for cheese toasties
    With any eggs (fried, scrambled etc)
    Chicken and chips
    Fish and chips
    The list goes on…

    I agree, brown sauce – HP or Daddies – goes great with proper sausages. I also have that, along with ketchup, on a full breakfast, and also with beans on toast. Oh and also to dip your cheese on toast into if you fancy a change from ketchup.

    Mayo! Aah mayo, so deliciously good with:
    Tuna mayo
    Egg mayo
    Chips (fries)
    Chicken nuggets
    Sausages
    Burgers
    Salads
    As a dip for my pizza if I’ve run out of Domino’s Garlic & Herb dip
    Mayo basically goes with anything!

    In fact, the one and only place a sauce/condiment doesn’t belong….is on a Sunday dinner!

    Everything else is fair game to the red, white and brown.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. So glad I read Bec’s post up there because I have ketchup with everything haha! Well not everything but a lot. You can;t have the same ketchup as us! Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

    Like

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