Everyone is looking for advice these days, and who better to ask than a 5-year-old boy? I sat down with my son to get the answers to some of life’s most serious questions. He is, after all, educated in the prestigious Roder Academy of Home Education. (I hear the teacher is fantastic!) Besides, he wears his Christmas sweater and snow boots in the summer, so he must know something we don’t.
It did take me a while to pin him down for this interview. In addition to the fact that his teacher insists upon intermittent learning opportunities sandwiched between grocery shopping and play group, R is very busy sneaking food from the refrigerator and when I catch him, shouting “NOTHING! YOU DON’T NEED TO SEE ANYTHING!” and running to hide under furniture.
Incidentally, the contraband food was either cheese or lunchmeat as far as I could tell, neither of which I prohibit my children from eating. Sneaking healthy food in my house would be like a North Korean child running away and hiding when her parents catch her writing “I love Kim Jong Un, our Dear Leader” over and over again in her top-secret crush journal. “You’ll never understand, Mom and Dad! I love him!”
Aaaaanyway, back to R’s advice. The topic he chose to discuss today was riding a bike with training wheels. (Training wheels, as you know, were invented by a mom running alongside her kid’s bike, awkwardly bent over to hold the seat and handle bars only to have her heels run over FOR THE FOURTH F*&#@ING TIME, DAMN IT!)
Here’s what my 5-year-old son wants you to know about riding a bike with training wheels:
- It’s easier than riding a bike without training wheels. You see, those two little wheels to the right and left of his back tire keep his bike from tipping over.
- It is still kind of tough to ride up the driveway, or to get started going up a hill, so make sure you have a mom nearby to give you a little push.
- If you’re about to crash, you can always push your foot backwards on the pedal. That will keep you from smashing your head.
But don’t take it from me! Check out this fantastic instructional video that he made all by himself!
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