Stuff My Kids Say

OK, I’m kind of cribbing Justin Halpern and his hilarious Twitter feed. But I think you’ll find this post a little cleaner than that [bleep] his dad says. 🙂

Public embrassement is a requirement of childhood

[Scene: Shopping at Target, within earshot of several customers.]

Sophia (at 3 years old): Mommmmmmyyyyy!! My numma hurts!

Emma (at 4 years old): Remember, we don’t call it a numma anymore. We call it a VAGINA.

[Scene: At Target again, because where else would I be?]

Stephanie (the cashier): So you guys out shopping with Mommy today?

Raymond (3 years old): Yeah, we need some cream for my bottom. (Pulls down pants, turns around, and bends over.) Because I have a rash!

The Bad Manners Club

“This is the Bad Manners Club! You may not say ‘please’ or ‘thank you,’ and you must lick your plate!” –5 year old Sophia, spoken with a British accent.

I Love My Sisters!

“No! You’re not a witch! You’re my sweetest girl!” –3 year old Raymond, upon hearing that Emma wants to be a witch for Halloween.

Don’t read over Mommy’s shoulder!

“Mom, what’s an old perv?” –6 year old Emma

(It was a clean book, I swear!)

Two can play at that game

Me: Who’s my sweetest little boy?

Raymond: Who’s my sweetest big woman?

Maybe we should talk to a therapist

“Mommy, you know why there’s a big rock by the water fountain in front of Chick Fil A? I think there’s a body buried under there.” Emma at age 3

Baby Talk

“Mommy, I have a mascooby bite.” –3 year old Raymond (translation: mosquito bite)

I love you, Mom.

“No!! I just wanted Grandpa!” –3 year old Raymond, upon seeing me come to pick him up from school.

Sister fight

“I want her to get diarrhea that shoots out of her mouth!” –6 year old Emma

Don’t you love it? What’s the funniest thing your kids have said to you? I’d love to hear from you!

4 thoughts on “Stuff My Kids Say

  1. You weren’t there, but one time Emma was leafing through Parents magazine and asked me “What’s oral sex?”. I asked where she heard it and she pointed to the article she was reading. It was an advice column where a woman wrote in relating a story about how her 4-year old daughter walked in while she was performing said act on her husband. The woman wanted advice on explaining that her kids. I told Emma it was something for mommies and daddies and took away the magazine.


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