OK, I’m kind of cribbing Justin Halpern and his hilarious Twitter feed. But I think you’ll find this post a little cleaner than that [bleep] his dad says. 🙂
Public embrassement is a requirement of childhood
[Scene: Shopping at Target, within earshot of several customers.]
Sophia (at 3 years old): Mommmmmmyyyyy!! My numma hurts!
Emma (at 4 years old): Remember, we don’t call it a numma anymore. We call it a VAGINA.
[Scene: At Target again, because where else would I be?]
Stephanie (the cashier): So you guys out shopping with Mommy today?
Raymond (3 years old): Yeah, we need some cream for my bottom. (Pulls down pants, turns around, and bends over.) Because I have a rash!
The Bad Manners Club
“This is the Bad Manners Club! You may not say ‘please’ or ‘thank you,’ and you must lick your plate!” –5 year old Sophia, spoken with a British accent.
I Love My Sisters!
“No! You’re not a witch! You’re my sweetest girl!” –3 year old Raymond, upon hearing that Emma wants to be a witch for Halloween.
Don’t read over Mommy’s shoulder!
“Mom, what’s an old perv?” –6 year old Emma
(It was a clean book, I swear!)
Two can play at that game
Me: Who’s my sweetest little boy?
Raymond: Who’s my sweetest big woman?
Maybe we should talk to a therapist
“Mommy, you know why there’s a big rock by the water fountain in front of Chick Fil A? I think there’s a body buried under there.” Emma at age 3
“Mommy, I have a mascooby bite.” –3 year old Raymond (translation: mosquito bite)
I love you, Mom.
“No!! I just wanted Grandpa!” –3 year old Raymond, upon seeing me come to pick him up from school.
“I want her to get diarrhea that shoots out of her mouth!” –6 year old Emma
Don’t you love it? What’s the funniest thing your kids have said to you? I’d love to hear from you!