14 Things I Thought You Should Know

Posted by
wonderwoman
photo courtesy http://www.divine-mama.com
  1. There should be a nursing mom superhero who busts out of her shirt Incredible Hulk style when it’s time to feed the baby. The Hooter Hider could be her cape.
  2. Someday I want to visit the Land of Missing School Supplies so that I can sneak into the pen and pencil huts that the trolls there must live in and steal all their toilet paper.
  3. I wish I had a bigger social media platform so that I could start a campaign to get somebody to write a fictional character based on Donald Trump. This guy never stops offering material.
  4. If God wanted me to weigh 120 pounds, I really don’t think He would’ve created wine.
  5. Three things you don’t mess with: snakes, tornadoes, and Stefano DiMera.
  6. My 7-year-old just correctly used “Booyah” in a sentence. That’s how you KNOW I’m from PG County. What! What!
  7. Plus, my kids know how to do “The Butt.” (See #6.)
  8. Sweeping my kitchen floor is really a futile effort, especially when my dog isn’t home.
  9. Confession: I really hate that “Happy” song. And I have no idea what a room without a roof is supposed to feel like.
  10. When I was a kid, I thought “ring around the collar” was the number one laundry problem faced by moms across the country every day. Now that I do the laundry for 6 people, I have never seen it on an actual shirt. Was this ever really a thing, or did the Wisk commercials just make it up?
  11. Sometimes it comes in handy to have a husband who is a huge math nerd. Thanks, honey. 🙂
  12. How is it possible for microwave popcorn to be 130 calories un-popped but only 55 when it’s popped? And who is this jackass eating it un-popped anyway?
  13. This is how you know my life is out of control: When I plan out my day, I have to factor in time to pee.
  14. Do your Kegels, people. Do your Kegels. If you don’t, someday, you will be stretching at the gym in front of some young chick who thinks she’s way hotter than you. You’ll have your legs spread on a mat on the floor, and you will sneeze. And you will wish you’d done your Kegels (and maybe planned one more pee break). Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

What’s your random thought of the day? I’d love to hear from you!

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7 comments

  1. Yes, ring around the collar was a real thing. My dad was a roofing contractor, and his shirts all had that ring due to sweating while working. But back then the shirts were 100% cotton, so maybe that was a factor? My mom used to pretreat the ring with detergent before throwing the shirts into the washing machine.

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