Who comes up with these Facebook quizzes? You know, the ones that ask you to answer a list of “basic” questions, and then reward you with a title such as “PhD Level Botanist!” for knowing that grass is green.
Don’t get me wrong. I get sucked into quizzes as much as anyone else, but some of the answers to these questions are so obvious, I wonder if they’re churning them out in an overseas call center from the glossary of a second grade text book.
Here is an actual example that I swear I did not make up from a quiz I took yesterday called, “Can You Answer 11 Basic Medical Questions?”
Which of the following is not a blood type?
And yet, when I got to the end and received my score, I felt a swell of pride at being deemed “Dr. Know It All.”
The relationship quizzes have really evolved since I used to take them in Seventeen Magazine. What Type of Man is Your Husband? Or this one: Are You and Your Partner Made for Each Other? The answer, of course, is determined by questions like: “It is your turn to pick the movie for date night. Do you choose: Bridesmaids, Rambo, or An Inconvenient Truth with Al Gore? Makes perfect sense. I hear marriage counselors are very concerned with husband’s and wive’s movie choices.
And what about the parenting quizzes? I once took a quiz in which I answered that I believed in potty training kids when they’re ready instead of by a particular age, and for that I was issued the title of “Sexy Mom.” Well, hey, I’m not complaining about that one. I don’t get it at all, but I’ll take it.
Since it seems like you don’t need an ounce of brains or expertise to evaluate Facebook users’ relationships, personalities, or scientific knowledge, I decided to write my own quiz. Are you ready? Your score will determine your entire future for the next three minutes. Here it is:
1. How will I know if he really loves me? And why am I asking you?
A. Only if you fall in love whenever we meet.
B. Cause you know about these things.
C. I believe the children are our future.
2. Pick an alter-ego:
A. Clark Kent
B. Peter Parker
C. Princess Consuela Bananahammock
3. What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
A. 25 MPH
B. 11 m/s
C. An African swallow, or a European swallow?
4. Where is Tupac hiding?
A. With Biggie Smalls in an underground Vegas mansion
B. In a spider hole in Iraq
C. In your mom’s basement
5. What is the smallest integer such that if you rotate the number to the left you get a number that is exactly one and a half times the original number?
A. 1,176,470,588,235,294 x 1.5 = 1,764,705,882,352,941
B. 536X10 to the 12 power
C. eenie meanie jelly beanie
Did you answer all 5 correctly? Congratulations! You just wasted five minutes. You’re welcome. 😉