Old Man Winter, It’s Time You Got Dumped

Posted by
snowmanboots
Picture courtesy modernman.com

Let’s face it, Winter. We’ve never had what you might call a “healthy” relationship. Yes, I know, when you first showed up outside my window, I sat, chin resting on my hand, and stared lovingly at your gentle beauty. I made us cocoa and built us a fire. I even introduced you to my kids.

And they had fun playing with you! Heck, even I had fun…for a while. You stayed for Christmas, and it was like you belonged here. You welcomed us outside to play with our new toys, you gave us a little snow to spice things up. You made it easy for us to love you.

But it was all a lie. I’m sorry, I know it must seem like I led you on. I might’ve even used the word “lovely” to describe you at one point.. But the truth is, I never thought you would stay this long. I always meant for this to be a temporary fling. You know, just having a little fun in the snow until Spring gets back in town.

I thought I made that clear. Did you not notice my complaining about the unrelenting cold? I wear at least three layers every day when you’re around. That’s not a fashion statement. And the mess you leave behind! Did Mother Nature really not teach you that people don’t like slush and mud tracked through their houses? Well, we don’t. And while we’re on the subject, I don’t like stepping in slush and dirty snow outside, either. You’ve ruined three good pairs of shoes! Even my dog knows better than that! And for crying out loud, no responsible person would ever force my children to miss that much school. Do you know that you’ve cost them four days of their summer vacation already?

I’ve been trying to leave you for over a month, but you just don’t get it. I’ve gone out with Spring several times since then, but it’s like you’re oblivious. You just show up at the end of my enjoyable weekend, when I’m nice and energized, enjoying the sunshine, and then–splat! You’re there with your dopey grin. The pathetic loser who can’t take a hint.

It’s my fault, really, for being a “girl” about it and hoping you’ll read my signs. Not anymore. I am telling you, flat out, I want you to leave. Lose my number and my address. I may allow you back again for a short visit next Christmas. We’ll see. I need a vacation before I can even think about that.

Sincerely,

Nicole Roder

PS. To Spring: Don’t think I didn’t notice that you baled the second Winter showed up and things got nasty. I want you to come back for a while, but I’m only using you to get to Summer. He’s way hotter.

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