It is possible that my consummate, unadulterated, and downright child-like passion for all things Christmas and magical may be coming back to bite me. You see, I have a bit of a–let’s say “feverish obsession” with convincing my kids of the existence of magic.
In the weeks leading up to Christmas, our princess dolls come to life. None of that Elf on the Shelf nonsense. The only dolls who possess this power, in our home anyway, are the ones who were brought by Santa. Not that my husband or I ever buy dolls, but if the kids received one as a birthday gift or attempted bribery by a grandparent, that doll would have no magical properties. (And dear God are those princesses naughty! One night, they decorated our tree with the kids’ underwear!)
And the madness doesn’t end there. St. Nicholas fills their shoes with candy on the night of December 5, and an I
talian witch named La Befana brings them baked goods and sweeps our kitchen on the night before the epiphany.
You may be getting the impression that the world of magic confines its assault on our home to Christmas time, but that’s not the case at all. We have a degenerate (and probably drunk) leprechaun who dies everything in the house green, rearranges our furniture, and drops gold all over the place around St. Paddy’s Day every year. He ALWAYS evades our traps! (It may be my fault for allowing inept children to design the traps. If you can’t even catch a drunk leprechaun, it’s time for mama to take over.)
Of course we’ve got the other usual suspects too. The Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy. My son uses The Force to open a lot of automatic doors.
But our latest obsession is Harry Potter. It started with S (the little scamp). She asked for the entire series for her birthday. And of course I was all “Books! Books! We love books in our family! Encourage reading and all that crap!” So I bought her the first 4 books and the Sorcerer’s Stone movie. Her grandparents and aunt bought her the rest. She quickly dove in, and so did her sister, E. They spend approximately 43 hours a day reading now, and I think they may almost be finished. R, the tagalong, is still reading the first book. Though to be fair, he’s only in Kindergarten, and a grown up has to read it aloud to him. In addition, we’ve seen the movie, or snippets of the movie, every sodding time the television has been turned on since that fateful day it arrived in our house. (Do you see what’s happened to me? I’ve used a British swear word. I’m like Uncle Vernon batting away letters from the owl post, only with a dirtier mouth.)
So now, I have children obsessed with Harry Potter who have been told every day of their lives that magic is real. They’ve SEEN magic happen. They KNOW it exists. So, naturally, they want to be able to do magic themselves, just like Harry.
My son, 5-year-old R, thinks he’s very clever. He’s decided to enlist the help of his partner-in-crime, Santa Clause. (I have some choice words for that guy, really. He brings my kids WAY too many toys.) In fact, R has already mailed his letter to Santa for this Christmas. SEVEN months early. And he is only asking for two items: An invisibility cloak, and a real magic wand.
I tried to let him down easy. “Buddy, Santa can’t bring you those things.”
“Because there’s no such thing as an invisibility cloak, bud.”
R rolled his eyes and cocked his head pityingly. “Yes there is! You can buy it in England!”
“Can you?” I said. “Well, Santa doesn’t shop in England. The elves make his presents.”
“Mom. Are you serious? The elves are MAGIC. They can just make me a invisibility cloak.”
“Buddy, I really don’t think they’re going to. And the real magic wand? I just don’t think you’re going to get it.”
“Why not? I’m only asking for 2 things. Santa only doesn’t bring you your presents if you’re bad. I’m good.”
I sighed. “Of course you’re a good boy. But Santa can’t just bring you things that don’t exist. Harry Potter is a made up story. There are no real wizards and witches.”
“WHAT?!?! Mom! Of course wizards are real! I’m a wizard!”
“You are?” I said.
“Yes! And Santa’s going to bring me a wand!”
“Alright, buddy. He probably will.”
So, to all of my friends across the pond in the UK, if you happen to run across a real magic wand or invisibility cloak in your shopping, would you mind helping Santa out a bit and sending one to R? I’d really appreciate it.
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