A long time ago, in a kitchen far, far away... Actually, it was five years ago, and the kitchen was in my old house, about two miles from where I'm sitting now. Yeah. I've really gone places. All I had to accomplish was one phone call. My daughter, S, was sick. Who knows what she had, but I had a newborn, a sick kid, and an addled brain that had been ravaged by a constant barrage of Disney and unanswerable questions. (People think Mommy Brain is hormonal, but have you ever considered the collective brilliance that would come from the world's population of moms if they no longer had to come up with intelligent answers to "What color is a princess's fart?")
This is going to be a controversial post. Many of you will disagree with me. Some will be offended. I'm sorry, but this just has to be said: ketchup does not belong on hot dogs.
If you are expecting your first baby, congratulations! You are about to embark on the most awesome, emotionally overwhelming, and piss-your-pants surprising journey of your life. (Literally. You will most likely piss your pants at least once. I hope you've been doing your kegels.) It may sound like I'm trying to discourage you. (Too … Continue reading Pocket-Sized Terrors: How your new baby will scare the living s*!@ out of you
Why don't I check my spam comments more often? There are some pretty good ones in there. To all of my fans who got nabbed by Word Press before I could respond to you, here is what I would have said if I'd noticed you sooner: 1. Bad Credit Car Loans: Hmm it looks like your … Continue reading My Monthly Spamathon
With Halloween approaching, I thought it a good time to explore the subject of fear. As in, that immobilizing tightness I get in my chest in response to completely rational, empirically terrifying things, like the porch light coming on. My oh-so-patient husband (who will be fitted for his shining armor on our next anniversary), valiantly … Continue reading I’m a big, blubbering, scaredy-cat baby…and my kids are getting there.