where the heart is

A Mother’s Prayer

Dear Lord, as I gaze upon the calm and peaceful countenance of my sleeping child, I am filled with a love so great, that I am certain my body can’t hold it. And then the love continues to grow, and I am amazed that You’ve given me a heart capable of holding something larger than the encapsulated sum of everything.

Several weeks ago, I published an article about a woman who criticized my parenting at a Starbucks. I think she might have beenthe Starbucks Ambassador for Keeping Children off of Stools. (Stools, as you know, are a top cause of childhood mortality and maiming.) This is a follow up to that article in which I offer advice to my Starbucks critic and anyone else who believes they know everything and the rest of us are doing it wrong.

Parent Judging: Advice Guide for Experts on Other People’s Kids

Several weeks ago, I published an article about a woman who criticized my parenting at a Starbucks. To jog your memory, she stared at me with a petrified look of helpless horror normally reserved for kidnapping victims or people being eaten by fire ants. She might also have been the Starbucks Ambassador for Keeping Children off of Stools. (Stools, as you know, are a top cause of childhood mortality and maiming.)

1. Girls can pee outside too. 2. Don't ignore your vagina. 3. Your princess ambitions are fine with me. 4. Your friend's parents don't let them stay up until midnight, and even if they did, I wouldn't care. 5. When kids turn 11 or 12, they usually go insane. This too shall pass. (Read more.)

Girls Can Pee Outside Too, and 13 Other Things I Want My Daughters to Know

2. Don’t ignore your vagina. Sorry girls. I know you find this topic painfully humiliating, but it has to be said. (Aren’t you glad I did this in writing?) Right around puberty, you’ll start to notice some goopy stuff coming out of your vajayjay on a regular basis. This is totally normal and nothing to worry about. But if it itches, turns red, or starts to smell weird, you need to see a doctor. Vaginas are tough little mofos, but the tiniest little upset in bacteria or ph balance can cause some serious discomfort. Don’t be embarrassed. Don’t suffer through it because you don’t want to tell me that your lady bits hurt. It’s not worth it. Trust me.

Need Summer Camp Supplies? You’ve Come to the Right Place!

If your child is going to sleep away camp, you know what I’m talking about. The list is insane! And after you shop for all this stuff, you’ve got to label every little item and somehow pack it into a duffle bag that your kid can actually carry. Sound familiar? Well, as with so many other things in life, now there’s an app for that!